Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
