i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
