You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
