I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
