Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
