so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
