I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
