Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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