I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
