i would punch a child for taco bell
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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