I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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