I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
