I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
