Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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