you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize