..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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