my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
