she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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