oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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