Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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