just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
