I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
