My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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