I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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