you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
