so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
