if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
