i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the condom got lost in my hair
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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