96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
