Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
