come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
nutella sex= disaster
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
