I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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