This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
