My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
