I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
