weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
