i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
