i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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