I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
