It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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