I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just high enough for therapy.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
