i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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