Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
