This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My vagina just recognized that song.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
