There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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