Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Randomize
