Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
