If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
