I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
