I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
