Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
